Thursday, May 22, 2008

Don't Bother Watching the New Indiana Jones Movie

Complete crap. And I'm not saying that for effect, I'm saying it because it's true.

Sorry, not going to capitulate to the American predisposition this "has" to be a good movie.

Utter garbage.

And by that, I mean it isn't even worth renting.

If it were up to me I would go to Spielberg and Lucas and demand, for the sake of an American icon, they withdraw this piece of sh!t from the theaters, go back and redo it with a realistic plot, give Indy a gun that he occasionally fires, and please don't ever have another scene where everybody has guns, but either;

1. Fails to use them when they're right there in front of them with the enemies sitting like ducks
2. Shoots non-stop but fails to hit their target if they're shooting at Americans or Indiana Jones.

And hey, while we're at it, let's throw in some kid that is completely incidental to the plot to tug at the heart strings of mothers.

Seriously, I'm angry they literally murdered an American icon like Indiana Jones. The sad thing is Harrison Ford pulled it off superbly. But this family BS, it would have just been better if he was a childless bachelor, as he always was, and was meant to be and went out and kicked some commie ass.

No, I had to tolerate 2 hours of ill-founded rumors of El Dorado, which were created by aliens, whose corpse we found in Rosewell, and wow, there's a spaceship. To quote Eddie Izzard;

"Oh no, space monkeys are attacking."

Cripes.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heh. Is it a surprise that Lucas ruins another movie franchise?

CMY said...

I agree.. it suspended reality so much that there was nothing left to hold onto (something which the previous movies kept in check).

After the waterfall scene I pretty much decided that they jumped the shark with this one. I don't blame Spielberg, but I do blame Lucas- everything he's touched since the last Indy movie has turned to shit.

Bill Gilles said...

Haven't seen it yet, (plan too, love the series) but the spirit of your post resembles mine after watching the first new Star Wars movie on opening night. I think I eventually saw the other two films on HBO or rented them - I really don't remember or care.

My hypothesis - children killed the Star Wars series and children killed Indy. And not just any children, George Lucas' children. They were pre-teens when the first new Star Wars was released - so they must now be into their 20's. Kids can be cruel, so hopefully their highschool and college peers laid it on thick for turning American Classics into Sesame Steet. I hope puberty was hell for them.

Andrew L said...

I watched it tonight with some friends, and I actually quite enjoyed it. Yes they tried to made capitalism look vapid and amoral, and yes it was riddled with cliches, and yes you had to struggle to suspend your disbelief for most of the movie. But once you've seen enough mindless Hollywood blockbusters, those things get pretty familiar and easy to ignore.

What really set the film apart was that the action scenes were brilliantly executed and extremely fun to watch. You can't tell me you didn't enjoy watching Indy crawl out of the back of a moving car onto the back of a moving motorcycle. You can't tell me you didn't enjoy the sword fight taking place on the back of two armored vehicles. Even the opening sequence with the kids in the car racing the army dudes (though completely pointless and irrelevant to the rest of the movie) was just plain enjoyable to watch.

Anonymous said...

I hope they make another one. This is based on my theory that Indiana Jones movies follow a "Good movie, sucky movie, good movie, sucky movie" pattern.

Anonymous said...

Well, you can probably play Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis instead. Best Indy game every.