Saturday, December 31, 2005

The "Why" is Irrelevant...and Probably Stupid

OK, I'm putting an end to this.

Young aspiring male economist romanciers, I am going to educate you on a lesson that is arguably the most important lesson I ever figured out in courting the ladies. It is a lesson that is going to make your courting life a HELL of a lot easier. And I am being 100% totally serious when I say it is a VITAL lesson to learn for I have seen many a-aspiring male economist romanciers go through unneeded and undeserved pain and strife.

Read these comics in order;

http://sinfest.net/d/20020105.html

http://sinfest.net/d/20020109.html


http://sinfest.net/d/20020111.html


OK so this has happened to all of us and recently happened to a friend of mine (which triggered this post). Not to say that we've all had a date go "Oh my God, Dawson Creek is on" and then split on the date. But we all have been in the situation where we;

1. Land a date
2. Get excited about the date
3. And then either the date bails on us at the last minute or is no longer interested after the first date.

The problem is what happens after the girl bails on us or rejects us.

Note how Slick (the kid in the comic) responds in the last strip. He's kicking a can saying, "If I only...If I just....Maybe if I...."

And there's the problem right there.

It is this instantaneous, knee-jerk reaction that when a girl bails on us, men immediately and by default look at ourselves and say,

"Gosh, what did I do. Maybe if I did this, or maybe if I did that. What did I say? How could I improve."

And I too was in your situation as a young 24 year old when a girl cancelled on me on the last minute. And whilst racking my brain and replaying the events in order to find out what it was that I did wrong that caused her to bail, it then suddenly dawned on me;

WAIT A MINUTE, WHO SAID IT WAS MY FAULT?????

This revolutionary thinking totally changed the premise by actually admitting that maybe, maybe the problem wasn't the guy, but rather the girl. That maybe, it's just possible, that a man can play all of his cards right and the girl might be the one to fumble the ball.

Look at our young friend, Slick. How could an objective observer possibly blame Slick for the failure of the date?

So here's the rule gentlemen, it doesn't matter why the girl bails. The "why" is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what "is." If the girl bails on you, don't rack your brain trying to find out why, you can't! The only thing you can do is accept what "is."

Furthermore, I want you to understand that the "why" is probably and most certainly stupid. The girl gets cold feet. The girl didn't want to go out with you in the first place, but just couldn't hurt your feelings. Dawson's Creek is on. Etc. Whatever the case, I can practically guarantee you that 100% of the time when a girl bails, cancels, etc., her reasoning is flawed and stupid. And that if you were to actually find out the "why" you would probably roll your eyes in disgust.

Alas, the whole benefit of this revelation is that you no longer have to piss away calories of energy, time, effort and thought trying to figure out why. You just accept and move on. Furthermore, there is the confidence that chances are it probably isn't you with the problem, and I am totally serious and I'll say it again, you will find out that, yeah, the VAST majority of the time it's not you, but the girl that has issues.

Of course, this whole theory is contingent on you playing your cards right and making sure you don't have a problem. And that means behaving in a manner or being a person that you are proud of. Being a gentleman. Being polite. Being somebody that you can look at and say, "If a girl turns this type of person down, then obviously she is the one that's ef'd up."

I personally aim my best to mimmick a WWII officer and gentleman. I mean, that's pretty safe. What possible rationale would a woman have to reject a WWII, 1940's, Cary Grantish gentleman? Thus, for me, when the girl can't make it because "her hair isn't dry" (I'm not kidding, I received this excuse MORE THAN ONCE IN 2005!!!!), I can sit back in confidence and say, "you know, I played that one pretty good. I was polite. I wasn't pushy. I was charismatic and funny on the phone. I was borderline Private Ryan with an element of Gregory Peck...this girl has issues."

So do yourselves a favor men, make a resolution for 2006. Resolve that you're not going to rack your brains over things that aren't your fault. Be a gentleman, be a good guy, be an upstanding dude. And if the ladies can't appreciate that, then we know whose fault that is.

15 comments:

Captain Capitalism said...

"I still think it's important to try to understand why women act the way they do, so that we can better determine what it is that we need to do to achieve the desired results."

My God Brandon, if you try that you will piss away SOOOOO much time on something that cannot be figured out. Seriously, I know more than any other man in the world about dating and girls simply because I admit I don't know anything about dating and girls and that my fine young friend is why I have such a high volume (albeit low quality) of dates.

I say you focus on the career and learn to dance. That's about the only thing that is in your power to help increase your chances. The rest is just wasting time.

Frank said...

Ever tried this?:
"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen"
Worked for me.

Captain Capitalism said...

Yes, if I really want to get a girl, I ignore her. It's so sad they respond to being treated like sh!t, and get all paniced if you were to buy them flower or something.

Captain Capitalism said...

Derek,

Cary Grant said, "Everybody wants to be Cary Grant. Even I wish I was Cary Grant."

Brandon,

Yes, it does run contrary to "be a gentleman advice." Because "being a gentleman" and "getting a girl" are diametrically opposed goals.

This is why nice guys finish last.

Truth is though I have a "Keep a Line Out for Them" theory. I'll be a gentleman and a WWII Cary Grant wanna be for as long as the girl warrants it. once she displays some kind of modern day Seventeen/Cosmo/People magazine psychoses or is just an outright bitch, the line is pulled and I become the ass.

Captain Capitalism said...

Yeah I agree, so how is this significantly different from what I've been advocating.

Frank said...

Derek: and that's where "men are such a-holes" comes from. It's their own doing. You can never win.

I envy gay people - there's a gay bloke at work and he doesn't generally get this kind of trouble.

Women are just too complex in a stupid kind of way - there is stupidity in women, and a lot of it - which is why they're so complicated.

Captain Capitalism said...

Derek:

Well yeah, but you have to keep at least one line out there in the unlikely event you run into a classic 40's dame caught up in this crazy mixed up world. I've fortunately met two. And I've unfortunately effed it up both times.

Frank:

I couldn't agree with you more about gay people. They are arguably the happiest people I've met. They enjoy their sexuality, they go out and enjoy their life, sex is all abound, no inhibitions. But there is the trick. A gay couple consists of two men. Gay or not, they're men. They enjoy sex and aren't afraid of it. Women on the other hand, enjoy it, but it's either that they don't enjoy it as much as men or they darwinisticly or instinctually know how to use it as their only currency or something like that. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but there's a theory at the tip of my tongue. It's like Einstein in his last days, he was constantly working on a quantum theory that would jive with the theory of relatively (or something like that).

It's there, I just haven't put my finger on it yet.

Frank said...

Cap'n:

"A gay couple consists of two men. Gay or not, they're men. They enjoy sex and aren't afraid of it."

If that's the case, then gay women wouldn't stand a chance! Would be funny if it were true :)

But in reality, i guess it's just womens' attitude towards men...

Captain Capitalism said...

Derek:

I'm an ass man myself. You can look at that and they don't know it. That being said, I find it interesting how women will create things like push up bras and the wonder bra and show off their cleavage and then in the same sentence yell at you for looking...at least muslim women and their burkahs are consistent.

And yes, you have to be an asshole to get the girl, but I just can't be an asshole right off the bat until she gives me a reason. If I could, I could probably treble my dating volume

Ice Ice Baby;

If you know me, then how can you claim I'm chauvanist?

Anyway, LIKE A TYPICAL WOMAN ;P you didn't pay attention. If a guy were to go out on two or three dates and the girl doesn't call him back, yes, you're right, there's probably something wrong with him.

But we are not talking about that.

We're talking about girls 505025ing guys before the first date. Girls that agree to a date, and then cancel at the last minute. Girls that after the first date know everything in the world about the guy and aren't smart enough to take a rolling average measurement. In other words, instances where if the guy played his cards right, it can only be the girl that has issues.

Furthermore, I will say this, women have no freaking clue what they want, ESPECIALLY in the initial stages of courtship.

And I hate to say it, once I implemented this thinking and theory into my dating, volume skyrocketed, stress decreased, and the effort and energy I put into all this tanked.

I'm sorry, you may be a great girl (and if you are my friend, most of my complaining does not apply to you, because you are a great girl) but please do not lump yourself in with the rest the women. It's degrading to you.

Captain Capitalism said...

Oh, forgot! Barb? Connie? Nancy? Those are about the only girls I know with such moxie. Just e-mail if I'm right.

Frank said...

Bah! Don't pay any attention to her - she's female, and therefore her opinion doesn't count :)

Captain Capitalism said...

Oh, I know how it goes with those super knock out girls. Dated two Vikings cheerleaders myself. And the only way it happens is when you walk in, you see them, you know they're out of your league and once they sense you're not looking their way or paying attention, GOOD LORD, it has never been easier.

Really, they will come up to you and do all the work. And it isn't until 3 or 4 hours go by do you actaully think there's a chance she'd be interested in you. By that time you've more or less ignored her and just treated her like a guy and she's about ready to jump your bones.

I would like to defend myself. AGain, Ice Ice Baby, you weren't paying attention. At least I've had a "rash of dating." My point of contention is not the volume, but the quality. This squarely lands on the women. And I think it only fair that you mention how many guys you've gone out with in the past year.

Frank said...

He just needed to be himself.

One thing I learnt as a teenager watching the classic movie House Party 3 was what Uncle Vester (played by Bernie Mac) once said:

"...Point I'm trying to tell you, son, is be yourself. People who don't like ya for being yourself... EFF 'EM! EFF 'EM AGAINST THE WALL WITH HANDCUFFS ON AND CRAZY GLUE ON THEIR LIPS!

That's all you do!"

Words to live by.

Captain Capitalism said...

Ice, BS YOU GOT A GUY! You would have metnioned him long ago.

And yes, everybody, I know that I should be myself.

And I am

For why would I want to be anybody else when I'm this freaking cool.

Captain Capitalism said...

OH NO! Somebody is NOT impressed with my subscription to The Economist!!!

I must slit my wrists. It's all over.

He sounds like a pompus jerk actually if he's so presumptuous in assuming I care whether people are impressed by my periodical subscriptions.